I knew July was going to be trouble.

First and foremost, our court date was yesterday.  We ended up settling the case so I never actually stood before the judge (which is good because I was too damn stressed over everything and I am not sure how well I would have handled it).  Our ex-landlords ended up giving us $500 more which is great.  We didn’t get everything we asked for but oh well, it was fine with me.  They realized they couldn’t argue us with our pictures but there was also a chance that if we continued with the case, they would attempt to countersue us.  I really didn’t want to go through that hell so oh well.  It’s over with, it’s done, the end.

Wednesday afternoon I was at work and got some pretty shitty news.  My job, along with like 20 others, was terminated.  I was in that position for four years.  We got a new CEO not too long ago and he went on a job cutting spree and got rid of most of the people in the same job field as me as well as some directors.  Since I’m not being fired, I have four months to find another job.  During these four months I am still getting paid, still get my full benefits, etc.  So it’s like a four month paid vacation.  Now, while some people would be thrilled to have a four month paid vacation, I’m not.  Not in the least.  I just got accepted into UNC and now I have to find another job that will work around my school schedule.  That is going to be the hardest thing to negotiate with any new job I find.  I’m also not going to find another job making what I’m making now.  No way in hell.  I had it made in this position and now it’s gone.  :(

I applied for another job at the same company today so we’ll see how that goes.  It’s not as awesome as my last position but it’s something.  That way I can keep my same benefits and everything.  AND keep my tution reimbursement.

On top of all this, it seems like every single bill I have is due right now.  Just way too stressed.

Fuck July.  Fuck it.

How long have I been online now?  I started a personal site when I was what, 15 or 16?  And now I’m 24 and I don’t update nearly as much as I used to.  Maybe it’s because life at 16 was so much more interesting than it is now, I don’t know.  But so much has changed.  So much.

I don’t even know where to begin because I know a lot of you have been following me all this time and have no clue what I’ve been through.  I’ve been at the same job now for 3+ years and I still enjoy it.  I’ve got my health insurance and all that great stuff so I really don’t plan on leaving it anytime soon.  I also work a second part time job for the extra money so I can save up and get my ass back in school.  I am so damn far behind but there’s not much I can do about it at the moment so I’ve learned to just deal with it.

My love life isn’t so hot right now, although I wish it were.  I was recently dating Joel (who still lives with me) but thinks sort of ended badly and I wasn’t very happy about it.  We are civil and still talk to each other and I hope it stays that way but I would be lying if I said I didn’t love him anymore.  I still do, very much.  I hope we are able to reconcile our relationship in the future because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.  And I’ve never been that happy with anyone else, either.

From cheerleader to fat couch potato and back to fit again, I’ve been on a whacky weight rollercoaster these past few years.  I ballooned up to the heaviest weight I’ve ever been (I can’t even tell you how much it was because typing the numbers makes me sick).  I couldn’t stand it so I focused more on what I was eating and before long, the weight started dropping again.  I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been at in a long time.  In fact, I think I might weigh less now than I did senior year of high school.  My muscles are returning, I can see my abs, and I don’t get winded when climbing stairs.  :)  So far I’ve lost over 30 pounds and I’m still going.  Man, I sure did miss my muscles all these years.

My goals and dreams are still the same.  I am still shooting for medical school and I know I will get there, it’s just a matter of when.  But I can’t keep worrying about the future or else I will drive myself insane!  I’m learning to take each day as it comes because that’s all I can do at the moment.

I guess I’m just tired of being stressed.

I still live in Colorado and wish everyday that I had family closer to me.  I still have my pups, Kai and Toby, and they still mean more to me than anything in this world.  I’ve lost friendships, gained friendships, and learned a lot of tough lessons recently and I have a feeling there is more of that ahead of me.

I know there is so much more I haven’t shared with all of you but I guess I still don’t know where to begin.